Healing the Inner Child – 2

When I had begun my inner child healing, it was all about identifying why certain things trigger me the way they do. The triggers keep coming up even now and as I have previously mentioned healing is a continual process. In the blog related to inner child healing (https://www.musingswhileunlearning.com/2020/04/healing-inner-child.html)

I talked about meditation and how to practice forgiveness. This blog is to try and give you an idea as how to encourage your inner child to grow and blossom without fear so that you can be free and get in touch with your authentic self.

I had written another blog (https://www.musingswhileunlearning.com/2020/06/15-things-i-loved-in-my-early-years-and.html) which took me down memory lane to identify the things I loved doing so that I may take up a few of those lost hobbies and get in touch with that part of myself again.

To be really honest with you, I have reached a place where I hardly recognize myself anymore. Life does that to you if you start taking life too seriously. For a long time, I managed to not get tainted by adulthood despite being a grown up and going through my share of ups and downs. Then like any human being out there, without realizing I became skeptical, rigid and wanted to control outcomes. Worse, since I had loose boundaries and allowed people to walk over me before reacting, in order to be the larger person (read about codependency: https://www.musingswhileunlearning.com/2021/04/altruistic-or-codependent.html and people pleasing: https://www.musingswhileunlearning.com/2021/01/when-did-being-nice-to-people-become.html) I used to get hurt but kept smiling, licking my wounds in private, brushing the episodes under the carpet always forgiving and taking solace in prayer. Then came spirituality and I took to it like a fish to water because everything started making sense. I have become a lot wiser but being a single pole (https://www.musingswhileunlearning.com/2018/06/are-you-knob-switch-or-single-pole.html) instead of putting firm boundaries I started putting walls around me. I still have walls up and people find it difficult to penetrate those walls; for one, I am far more introverted now and while I could always pull off an “Ice Queen” aura for a while, I find I am Ice Queen most of the time except with my inner circle which has become really small. It is not that I don’t feel warmth for people in my life even those not close to me but I have forgotten how to interact. Phone calls scare the living daylights out of me. I survive on texting.

Well, the good news is that I am ready to bring down the walls a bit, build a few gates that can be opened every once in a while, and the ice may even begin to thaw in peak winter!! Nothing drastic, baby steps.

Now for the interesting part!! The two things that have happened in the past two weeks that have brought me immense joy have been a trip to the zoo and my daughter’s colouring book! In fact, I originally intended for this blog to be titled “A Trip to the Zoo” but it sounded like an essay topic straight out of school and so that wouldn’t do!

The idea came into my head during my morning walk when I was trying to find out what I really loved and looked forward to and remembered as a kid. The Zoo, parks and picnics! I knew that I’d have one person on my side when I made this offer. My daughter! She would do anything to bunk school and go outdoors and if that included seeing animals, she’d definitely butter up her dad. My Son was to leave for the hostel as offline classes were soon to begin and since Joey, around whom our world revolves, cannot be left alone for he’d bark the place down and we’d have complaints from the neighbours of our gated community, I knew my son would gladly volunteer to stay at home with him. Joey, KFC Zinger burgers, creating and playing video games, sleep and study in the comfort of his home is his ideal life!

I brought up the topic at the breakfast table and my children reacted just as I said they would. My husband was horrified when he realized it wasn’t a joke. “The Zoo!” How he wanted to bite his tongue for the lectures he keeps giving us on walking more, exercising more, being out in the Sun more, of being with Nature more!! Mother and daughter found their chance to use it against him and the poor man didn’t stand a chance and so he gave in.

ctually, he is quite a sport but the zoo is far from where we live and the roads are not pretty plus, he was sure that the animals would be emaciated and that would make us sad but my memory told me otherwise!! Anyway, we were relentless and so the plan was made. Oh yes! That inner child was bursting with joy and I remembered my father teaching me the poem in grade two, I think; “We went to the animal fair, the birds and beasts were; the great baboon, in the light of the moon was combing his auburn hair, The monkey, he was drunk; he seized the elephant’s trunk, the Elephant sneezed and fell on his knees and what became of the poor monk, m-monk, m-monk” I think that’s how it goes!!

It was the best decision I had made in a long while! We left just after nine. The weather was lovely. Cloudy but not overcast. We had packed sandwiches just in case things got delayed and we couldn’t find anything to eat.

The Nehru Zoological Park at Hyderabad was most beautifully maintained and all the animals were well fed, well maintained and looked happy except for the Jaguar. He was a bit restless and the Cheetah didn’t come out. The rest were thriving. The spoilt mother and daughter quickly asked for battery operated vehicles because we realized our capabilities could only take us so far. Despite that, there was a lot of walking to do. I did a ten thousand steps there recorded on the pedometer! From Lions, to tigers both Bengal Tigers and the white tiger, leopards, rhinos, hippos, Malayan Sun bear, elephants, the Indian Gaur and many types of deer, a number of canines including the most beautiful Hyena I have ever laid my eyes on (I am sorry to say, I am not very fond of them but this black and white one was an unfriendly but handsome fellow and though he wasn’t in a mood to parade around for us and show off his mane, we did see it, the night previous on YouTube which was posted by a recent visitor to the zoo), the animals were very well maintained. There was a small safari too and it was an experience in itself though limited. Bawling kids in the vehicle were irritating for sure.

Oh yes! There were refreshments galore and marked areas for them and the only thing that was wrong with that zoo were the humans that went to visit it. Noisy as ever and despite strict rules about plastics and other wastes and about littering and not eating in any place but the set areas, people still managed to throw a wrapper here and there.
A Huge Shout Out to all the people involved in the care and maintenance of the Zoo and to all those people to contribute to the Zoo and adopt animals from time to time. We had to give the reptile park, the butterfly park and the nocturnal animal park a miss because it was nearing 1600h and we were tired. The sun was also out by then and blazing.

Just writing about the zoo as quickly as I could, in the briefest possible manner has charged me up already which may not be such a great thing for its nearing bed time.

The other thing I mentioned was my daughter’s Mahabharata themed colouring book. I have actually bought myself oil pastels and my baby has given me her colour pencils to sit and colour when I want to relax and I am happy to report that I find myself getting lost in it like never before. Total concentration! Of course, I am like a zombie and can carry on numbing with games forever but this is different. I feel my spirits lifting and I feel a sense of inner peace!

I am enjoying this phase till I find myself stronger and ready to dig deeper with meditation and deal with harder energies.

So, my dear readers, if you can feel the exuberance from my experience, do indulge in things that made you happy a long time ago even if it is just eating cotton candy and you’ll find your creative juices flowing again. Most importantly, for those of you out there, who have lost yourself and cannot recognize who you have become, I guarantee this process will set the ball rolling in the right direction. It is pretty late now to find pics and post the blog but I hope to post it tomorrow!

Healing the Inner Child – 2

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